We took Mia home and I swear she cried the whole ride. She cried when she wasn’t held and she cried all night every night. We were so proud to be new parents. She was adorable (she had a crooked nose, but we thought she was adorable) We wanted to be the best parents ever. We were going to do it on our own. I can’t tell you how many people told me to get a night nurse or a full time nanny. I thought this was crazy. I didn’t want anyone. It literally hurt my heart to hand her over to anyone. I felt like she was a part of me and the further away she was the more it would hurt. It seemed like everything hurt at first for awhile. No one prepared me for that. Breastfeeding hurt, my body hurt and emotionally I felt drained.
I loved rocking her all day. I loved carrying her close to me. She was perfect even when she cried all the time. She adored Ian and he adored her. I was pretty much milk to her and her eyes would light up when he came near. They had an instant bond. I breastfed her every two hours and she never took a pacifier, so her comfort was all on me. Ian and I were in love and so attached to her.
The sleep depravation was rough. I wanted to do it all. She only breastfed so the nighttime shifts were all me. I remember being up all night with her. I felt like as soon as I would lay back down she would start crying again. I finally had a breakdown after 2 months. She was up again, it was about 5am and I could see the sun coming up and Ian was sound asleep. I walked into our master bedroom, ripped the covers off of him and started kicking the side of the bed yelling at him to get up. He pulled the covers back over him and rolled over and said “I am sleeping. I am still tired. You are being crazy.” I think my head almost popped off. I threw the covers off of him again. I threw them on the floor and started crying. I think he got it. He rolled out of bed and walked past me to the nursery. He told me to sleep. I slept better than I had slept in months. He woke me up at 9am and I felt like a new person. This was our new deal. I would take care of the nighttime wake ups and he would take her from the first morning wake up to let me sleep in. It was perfect harmony.
At 8 weeks I joined mommy and me groups, breastfeeding support classes and found a mom circle to connect with. I needed it. Our family was on the East Coast and Midwest. The short visits weren’t enough. I needed to find my village of friends. It took us about 6 months to finally hire our first babysitter so we could have date nights. Mia was our everything. Ian was home most of the time. Jobs weren’t flying his way during this time so he was right beside me for all day to day activities. We were so proud of our baby. She was physically advanced and had a long list of words. We traveled all over with her. Nothing was stopping us. We had parenting a baby down. Shortly after her first birthday we decided we were ready to do this again. We figured it would take awhile to happen. I was still breastfeeding full time. By the first of August we had exciting news. We were pregnant again and were shocked to find out the due date was only within 2 weeks of Mia’s birthday!
To read Ian’s first blog about having Mia, written for People Magazine, check it out here Ian meeting Mia